its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
