What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Randomize
