I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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