DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
Randomize
