matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
