Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
