remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
