I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
