I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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