My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
