Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
