If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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