ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
