So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Randomize
