I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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