I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
