if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
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