I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Randomize
