I wish I only lived at night.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
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