I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
