____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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