My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Randomize
