Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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