Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
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You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
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I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
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