last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Randomize
