you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Randomize
