WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize
