can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Randomize
