ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
