I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
