what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
