I wish I only lived at night.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
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