1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize
