i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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