My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Randomize
