my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
Randomize
