my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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