omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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