Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Randomize
