I'm jealous of your bromance
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
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