no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Randomize
