i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Randomize
