Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
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