I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
It's blow job season.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
