she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Randomize
