he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I can't put those talents on a resume
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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