get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
did you just send me my own nude
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
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