You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Randomize
