Welp...herpes.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
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He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
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The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
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