Don't you send me to vm
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
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