I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
