Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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