He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
