cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
The adults are the big ones right?
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize