hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
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