just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
