his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
