I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Rumble strips road head = magical
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Randomize
