next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Randomize
