Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Randomize
