I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Randomize
