I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Randomize
