I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
