I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
