u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
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