I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
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