what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Randomize
